Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
