if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
