The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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