Everything about him screamed your future.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
