The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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