i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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