it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
