omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
