No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
