I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
