wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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