Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
