Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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