You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
