I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
