porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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