I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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