my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
