i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
