I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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