mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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