Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
