I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
