Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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