brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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