fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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