what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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