so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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