Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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