i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
