i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
