hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
