Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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