remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
