We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
