His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
