my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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