i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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