There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
