It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
