i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
