Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
