More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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