Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We need to rekindle our bromance
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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