so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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