I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
