i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
