they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
