Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
