Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
