What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
