do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
