Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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