if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
