that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
