I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
